Shut up and Listen (actively) 👂

Onegai shimasu (おねがい します)  🙇

An amazing tool you can develop for yourself for the industry (or anywhere for that matter) is knowing when to listen and when to speak. One of the hardest things for us to do as humans is to actively listen to someone and to really understand what they are communicating. To "hear" them.

We live in a very fast paced environment where everyone has an opinion. We have to filter so much of this out: what's garbage, what's relevant, what's just distracting. When engaged in a conversation with someone, especially when its deemed important, we have to be in the present. Not wondering what the next assignment is, or what YouTube channel to be watching next, or what you'll be having for dinner.

This means setting aside yourself, your pre-concoeved notions, your distractions, your anticipations, all of it, in order to be fully in the present in that conversation. Put your electronics away (laptop, cell phone, whatever) because they can cause undue distractions. Stop looking at your watch. (I never wear one during interviews). Its perceived as rude and that the other you have other things on your mind and they will believe that they are not important. Make sure that the environment is conclusive to conversations (a concert is not, for example). Basically do what you can to clear away distractions fo focus on the person, or persons, before you.

People like to be listened to. They want to fell appreciated and that what they are saying is important. Sometimes they want affirmation that they are being heard so you'll need to sometimes repeat back to them what you just heard. This could also reinforce, inside yourself, that you heard them correctly. But don't just echo. You may have to reword what they say. Especially if you are not in agreement, that gets into negotiation. A subject for another time.

At the right times you'll sometimes need to ask questions to get to the root of the conversation. What id the real reason for the conversation? How important is it? Has an issue already been solved, they just don't know it? Can you learn something from this?

Sometimes they just need to vent and are not looking for a solution. Maybe they just want a sounding board for their frustrations about something, This is where merely listening is all that is needed. Empathizing can also help, if possible.

There are times when you you'll want to interrupt, to state you'r opinions. Those are the times to really shut up and listen because you don't want to miss their point that may be hidden. Being able to effectively communicate is an art form that needs cultivation and practice. And realize that no none is good at active listening the first time. And that' OK 😊